writing in the midnight 4:13am , miss you

Dong Gua, why you don't message to me? It's not the matter about you're not a messager...Just you don't like to talk to me, isn't it? You prefer to message to others... I'm just counting that already been a week, you didn't reply to me... What else can I say? I'm scareing to go to the bed now. It's 4:00am in China. An hour ago I was sleeping, but a cockroach climbed on my finger...so it woke me up. Later I found it climbed to snowman,on the bed, its size is very big... Then I just spray it the poison,and change the blanket,pillow, clean all the old ones.I don't know why there're already kill over gross 5 big guys this week. One night I saw one hid in the gap of the ceiling in bathroom. I think they come out from there.I really wish you were here, only you're tall to touch it and cover the gap. It's hard to sleep back and now writing my diary.Even though you hate to talk to me, you don't want to share story with me, I still miss you, still put you in my heart. Still wish you are enjoy everyday in your family.

KFC makes me think about our first date last year

Melon, ni zai zuo shen me ne? Did you miss me? Yesterday I was sitting in KFC. It makes me remind the first time we met in Jiangmen last year, since after that, I like KFC more than before. I have deep memory for sharing the ice-cream with you there. Melon, I really care every moment we can be with each other.Please don't flirt with another girls,because that looks like I'm being cheated.. Do you know I don't worry something else just afraid you're gone? That day I read your IPad, you talked with Eli to say "I think I want Kat's back.". When I read that conversations, I couldn't help my tears. Melon, can you tell me that was true and very serious?!! I'm sorry I always did those get through things...I know you hate me to do that. That's because I wanted to stop the other girls out of us. It would be ruin our relationship. Please think about that, if you thought you lost me, then why you had that feeling and you still keep hiding flirting girls in your wechat? When you asked me come back, did you tell yourself you should be take a responsble to be better make up, to instead of giving up for easily? I have no certificate to close your eyes to look at those girls, but I'm a human-being with blood and soul, when you asked me back that day, at least the God was listening to your calling up and my heart. If that is the God's consecrating, why you always show me your gelid heart? Is it because I always compromised you so make you feel I'm the one so easy to be bully screwed over? I've also looked you safe lots of pictures of mine. Melon, I know you always did things without saying to me. But as you said, "not good at reading mind." So, I don't want to complain, complain is pessimism attitude of life. I'm not that kind people. I wish you were here right now and tell me again the God is listening to the reason of why you asked me back, not just saying.

Sunday, it's time to do big clean

Melon, how are you? It's been 2 days I didn't write diary. Today I was planing to do some drawing and cleaning. But since the big company meeting, I had to work this morning till to 3pm. So,I back home and thought I can only do the cleaning... I post some photos on wechat, did you see? But it doesn't matter, you never interested in how many cleaning work I did... Never cared... Wow it is so unbelievable I got 2 more gross things after I met the long worm yesterday, I saw a new bean sprout in the sink of kitchen. May be I don't need to buy vegetable this month. LoL. And I found your pee smell underwear in the blue bag which you used to swim...It is all wet and smelly for a week...Lol...And the balcony...your cigarette ash...all drench in the glass bottle... a strong irritating odor... Anyway, I just don't like to see dirty place, especially it is the place for living. Now you're not here and I do (You go to play), haha, you teach me to say. Hao ma? Yes, all of these are A Yi's job...Cleaning all everywhere except to your music room. Tomorrow if I have time, may be I will change the fish water of Kat's tank. When I feed them today,I smelled the water so bad in that tank. Look at the bedroom, everyone is sitting on your pillow,they're waiting daddy coming back.

July. 8th

This morning 7:15am, when I opened my eyes, so surprise to see you write me a comment. Suddenly I felt touching in tears. I was lying on the bed and counting down the days you back to China, There are 39 days. Aug.16th, that was the first date we met up in 2014.That date is so deep memory in my life... Time flies, after 39 days, we will already be together 2 years. Yup, these 2 years, we started coming across on the site, then trying to know each other, till to get closer and live together. I've been keeping loyaly to you is because I affirm you are whole of my life. Even in parting from you now, I can't changing my heart. You are the only one I love forever.Even if you mad about me, you don't talk to me, you drive me from the apartment, say I'm a mental girl, acted violence. I still never shift my feeling for you. So strange... Such as you said you appreciated that is me. Yes, if that was another girl, most people says she's left...These 2 years I learned a lot from our relationship. I hope we can help each other to grow up in this relationship. I hope we can encourage each other when in difficult time. But you said we don't have same culture , personality, OK, I can't mind and may be this is the point what makes me struggling and stronger. Actually, I hate you always tell me that word CONFUSED, every time this word looks like an explain, isn't it? I know you've also tried to give me your heart. I like the flower you bought to me , I like you decorated the apartment, I like you made plans for me, I like you took me to some spots together, I like you teasing me. I like you secretly saved my pictures. I like you called me xiao pi gu. A lot A lot. Better than no talking and no smiles. All of these chapters has been noted down in my book. If you say this is CONFUSED, then won't it draw more attention to the reader's heart? It will be such this challenging book?

First Day Kevin is not here

The first day you'll leave me for a long time this year. I wasn't used to be in alone without you. I cried at night yesterday. Becoz I start to miss you . It was so silent at home when I slept in the bedroom. 2 people to 1 instead... I want you back. It seems you just hope to leave without saying goodbye. Nothing of me is valuable for you. Even that I bought gifts , you thought I was a stupid to waste money, not respect you. But why not you said thanks by a sweet experssion? Why have to complain me by all thing I do? Do you know when I heard you said you back to the US, I couldn't fall asleep, and I told myself to get downstairs to buy gift to niece and nephew? If I have more time to get ready, I could buy gifts to your mom and dad, sisters and their husband.. Please say sorry to them. I know, even I do more efforts, you never see and feel, but changing that you said I'm a dumb girl, stupid. No matter, if I'm the stupid in your eyes, and no one can replace, I would like to be that one. People say in love, especially who is paying true love will be silly. Yes that's who I am. You make me like to do everything for you.
I know you've back to the US and you won't get suffer with me like in China. You should be so happy. Until now, I've left message on your wechat. I've wrote you a short letter by your luggage yesterday morning. I guess you just want to keep silent and don't wanna talk to me. Perhaps you're too busy. Just I remember last year, when you stoped in Seattle you still informed me. But now, you WON you WON.. My heart is so break of all things bearing by writing with this website and seems I'm talking to the wall. No matter if you see and read. I would keep writing as life novel. The story result would never stop but downloading the days for I love you. Miss you and love you every.

Mar.1st, 2016

It's a new day on this month. I don't have a good time to write my diary. But from today, I have to make up. Such a long day I feel that I am not be in peaceful days. Now, I am going to change myself. Sorry about my heart. I realize that I can;t spend time on Kevin any more. Because I feel how selfish he is and he is really superficial. I also feel he just knows how to live with himself. He doesn't care about me at all.Even he said he loves me, but he is a man saying. After he said that , he can forget what he said. I feel so tired of chasing him now. I really need to get back my life. I have to love myself more.

The last day of 2015

It is quite a lot of feelings. But I'm just babysitting now for celebrating with myself. Oh,I don't want to do something else, because I would like to think about what should I do for the new year. I want to make a new plan. Good luck for everything. Such as I say goodbye for this whole year . This year , my melon make me come to shenzhen , and just keep for hurry works, lots of mix feeling, but I need to say thank you. I also thanks my parents and everyone support me.