This is a saddess ending. I'm sorry all things are put in a huge destroyed. But let's see in another new side, both us will have a new start with family. I know I shouldn't make any comments. I made you lost all things, but in the end, you're sent back to USA safety, your family and friends are so happy to meet you back.I know they love you, miss you. I'm sorry that I made this worst decision for you. At the same time, you don't need to complain about China oftenly when you live here to increase your unsatisfition. As I said I would like to give up everything, because your left, I knew I will lose you, for me, you are that everything, means I lose my everything. Perhaps you think i'm rediculous, I'm inmature,but only with you I could become that one. And that's one of the reason I love you. Unfortunately,this love didn't let me see clear who I am, then turned to hate. May be I shouldn't say hate, just I don't want to give you to another woman. I only have this way to stop you. I admit the seed was one of I found in your little box in colthset, and I put it in the refridgerator. I fucked up your life since you were cop in the jail,I didn't want to make that happened. Losing you is same as killing me. But if you stay in Shenzhen, it must keep me wondering all your news to find you, however I don't want to see you with other girls. Please understand me. I know whatever I'm saying now it won't help you feel good. I'm a shity woman who I am. I don't expect to get your forgive. I don't wait for you talk to me again, because I know I have no certification to get any attention from you. The rest would be all hate from you. I feel shameful in front of you.Once I think about you, I can't stop crying. All memories are filled appeared in my mind, your figure in the kitchen when you made cooking for me, your looks when you played music so enjoyable in the music room, your smiles which when you got some golds and oils in playing phone game, Candy crush game , your romantic act that feed me noodles and pizza in the restaurant,your tired body that layed in the bed and hold me sleep, in sexual time,in movie nights with snacks, birthday celebrating nights, beach nights we were together, including lots of small things, your kisses, your hugs, your touches,I can't forget...
You know, after the first day you were in jail, I almost couldn't stop thinking how you feel upset and hungry and cold there. The next day I took some of your jackets and pants to the police office and try to give them to give you. But they said you and Eli had been sent to the other detention. Even I could visit there, they wouldn't let me see you. That moment, I felt so desolate, I worried about your everything, I still remembered the last time I met your face and huddled up next to the corner. And I felt grieving. Since from that day, I felt my heart and soul was left my body, and be blamed by my crazy over-reacting.
After that day, I back to the apartment and still need to move things, deal with the rest part with landlore. Also Andre helped you move your stuffs. Until that day, I haven't known you and Eli would be deportated, so I wrote a letter to you and hope Andre could give you after 5 days when you came out. Unfortunately, the landlore didn't leave and survillanced me and Andre until she got the rent. She pressed me to pay her the rent and electristy bill. She said because you told her would pay half month rent, but you've not there, so that the damanged deposit was not included the rent. I tried to bargain with her for paying by days not half month, but she wouldn't accept. Finally, I didn't want her stop Andre to leave and might she was angry to make other troubles. I finally went to the bank and pay her 3100rmb. In fact, my Shenzhen bank cards all be cleared after I paid her that money.. And then, she still wanted more by an example mentioned if foreigner didn't do the registration she would be charged by 15k rmb. It was so terrible to see her other side, but I trusted you did before so I didn't afraid what she said.
While you reading this letter, I know you've back in USA. I've left Shenzhen too. When I tried to wait and see you again on Nov.11th, the police told me you and Eli have judged by deportated back to USA. And Andre got the same news about that. You know, I was have hoped just wanted 5 days enough and let you know not find chance for more Chinese girls, but... the moment when I heard police said you won't return to China again, I felt so blue again. I miss you so much!!! Then the weather was getting so cold, I didn't know if you were warm and healthy those days. Melon, I'm sorry about that.
You know,I didn't sell your bike, I carried it back to the apartment. Andre was so surprise, yes all of you thought I sell it, but I didn't. Because I know it is your favorite. That day, it was the last time landlore pushed us to move out, and Andre called the mover help collect all your stuffs, he paid 800rmb, and I paid 200rmb then enough for all money.After saying goodbye with Andre, the landlore still asked me pay her November electristy for 100rmb. I really broke that time because I still need money to send my stuffs back to Jiangmen. But she wouldn't let me leave until I pay to her. So, at last, I found a mover downstairs and I sell him the TV, glass tables, colthset. I can't believe that only 150rmb, and that is the best price I did after asked 5 movers. I told Andre about that and in fact he thought the landlore is so greedy... But I know she felt so angry about what I did for her apartment and this terrible things. So finally, everything has done. And I put Kat, Puffer, Train, 3 Monster guys and 3 little color fishes to the fish store boss. I gave him 2 wood roots and the massage pillow, asked him help to look after those guys for some days.
Nov.11th morning, I said goodbye to Seven,and back to the fish store took those guys. Then I back to Jiangmen. I've lost you, but I can't lose them for bigger hit. And you know, before 11th, I still thought you would come out on 12th, I finally went to the garbage area to find snake and Tom, but Andre said you've packed in some box. Then I believed him finally. I gave you back the black cat, I put in your black suitcase. I know you want that for memory, and I gave the blender, humidifier, little shelf, everything I bought for daily life, and the washing stuffs, I gave to Andre at the end. Because I haven't known you would be deportated. I told Andre those are leaved for Kevin use. I packed Snowman and his little brother, Triangle melon, and the Big round rabbit, and your mum bought me shirt, the underwear , necklaces you bought to me, all gifts you bought for me, I packed in a small box. I packed them for memory, even I was thinking I didn't want to keep. But finally, I couldn't throw. They're all my love you gave. These 2 days, I tidy my bedroom, I unpacked the boxes, I saw them minute and minute, and my tears can't stop again and again. There are many many sweet memories with you there.Even that, I found your hairs in the boxes, I sniffed out your body smells, I feel you still here!!! Melon, I miss you so much!!! So you know, I can't face to those stuffs. But now when I look at them, it is so upset to remind everything about us,think about you again and again. Yes, this break up is so terrible, I can't believe that our real break up was end in the jail. It's really like a movie. It is a nightmare, and everybody wake up with a shock.Melon, I'm sorry, because I love you so deep. It must be everyone say that's a wrong love way, because all people say if you love that one, you should let him go. I'm sorry, the way I just give you back to your family, but I know that I lost you. And nothing changes I love you. Sorry again. I dont want to see you go to make love with other girls in China in real one day. What can I do for you now? I know no matter after how many years in your rest life, it is impossible to let you forgive me and hate. This is what I paid cost by exchangeing ruining you and me. I hope you will happy with your family and friends in USA, I remember you told me they want you back home. And in US, you will feel more happy than in China, have new life lightening again. I'm sure you're a strong guy. Thanks so much for these 2 years, you gave me so many things I will never ever forget in my life.
Love you!
All my best for you!!!
Kat
I spent a week for collating and sorting about 4G data pictures about these 2 years we took, including we lived in the old house, new apartment, some party, gifts, sleeps, fishes, you travel to Jiangmen...I share it in my Dropbox. If you have time, and want for a memory, you can click it. I don't know what can I do for you now. Hope you can find the good memory from the picture.
