Now I feel afraid

Just so sucks, suffering, torture... I duno how to explain my feeling.

Thank you for coming back.

It's been a new week again, you've come back. What a surprise you sent me the lucky money and said miss me. At the moment, I was thinking if you're drunk.Then now what I saw in last week is the only way make me believe that was true... I really want to know where brings this wind to make all things changing? I just has no courage to be in hurt again... Do you know I felt so touching in the party that day when Jason talked to me in Chinese? He said he did love you so much. Though I could't say if he was kidding or not, at least the expression on his face was very sincere, and that was what I heard.
But suddenly I have no idea how complicated in my mind, perhaps I'm not used to being treated so nice by you. Even now the stuffs at home are broken... You don't get mad, but it's already increase my painful in such a great guilt feeling. I'm sorry to be annoying and bring this trouble when you come back. And I know I have no certificate to ask you to forgive me. The only one thing I can do is make myself come to sense, and do something better for you before another girl replace to me.

July. 27th, Some new update .

    Hi melon, thank you messaging me back today. At least my impatience for your reply was as well reward as impatience generally is. Your message always is the healing medicine for me. I could’t sleep back after reading your message at 6 in the morning. Because it made me feel you’re next to me... I know you always emphasize needing privacy. I’m not bothering you. As long as can get your caring even the reply is an emotion icon, I’ll also feel happy J. You said you’re thinking about life and wanna make things better. That’s a good point. I like to see you have that positive fighting for life instead of the drunk nights… I know that you choose this way to be silence and thinking, but if it's because of I was that person who make you have this mind, I would like to be that one. At least, that proves I influence you in these 2 years. It is no doubtful you also influence me too. That's why I feel hard to give up this relationship. Everything about you is so important for me. Recently I’m thinking about a question How To Manage EQ ? I read some online book about the emotion quotient. A writer said “Anyone can become angry-that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not easy.” This quote is from philosopher Aristotle, He said“By understanding your emotions and how to control them, you're better able to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling. This allows you to communicate more effectively and forget stronger relationships.”Suddenly, I find that I have to learn how to manage and increase my EQ, how to solve my problem. Perhaps like as the saying, Life is harsh, a people with a warm, generous and sentimental nature may be easily taken in by the one who they care. Melon, I just wanna say sorry to anger with you usually without a right expression but just a poker face, it’s because I saw you always flirted with girls and leave me alone… I was too jealous and get mad… I think I won’t be like this, I have to learn how to maintain and calm.

Melon, one more thing should be mention, thanks so much you paid the rent before you left. I saw the bill on the table. I post the pictures on wechat that noted down the day 3 men came to fix the AC, landlord also came over and we met each other happy.She said I'm look more beautiful lol :)P  Wow, after they fixed up the AC, I had to clean the whole house. That looks so dirty everywhere...But no doubtful that great news is you will sleep very very comfortable when you come back next month, no more sweaty body lah. Haha. I'm okay here, just miss you and wish you come back very soon.  

Love you, sweetheart.

~@^_^@~ Sweet melon, time to writing a new diary ,miss you and wish we can talk

Melon, how is your illness? I hope you've got better than last 2 weeks. Today landlord call me she will come and bring 2 AC to us. I have to wait for her at home tomorrow. Suddenly, I read back the messages history of July 10th, actually they just stayed that moment on my phone screen, then no any update... I bet, I don't believe you never look at your wechat and never message to another....... Okay la, I don't want to say this round and round again, no interesting to know more if you want to talk or not, if you like to talk to some sexy girls... I just want to mention do you know what date is the anniversary today? I guess you must forget.I remind the first time we tried to decide to meet in person on 2014 plan, but finally you said you might busy on that Sunday. So we changed the plan to meet on August.Yes,that's me,all about your stuff save in my memory.That's you, you always let me expect something happen. Melon, why the God arrange you come to my life? Why you take me for a replacement? The moment you still dealt with your x girlfriend, but because you wanted to healing your slip up then used me. Tell me why? To be honestly, I wished the story I never knew...

Melon, I really miss you, but once I knew you've so chill to me, I have no need to trouble you, or else you will same I'm annoying.. And I duno why only like to annoy you... What's something new about you? Did you miss me? I'm trying to finish the drawing of our picture of that watching UFC show at Seaworld. This is my plan on this Sunday, because I have to wait for landlord come. And you? I hope you enjoy your holiday.How's your dad? Will you meet your mum soon? Does everyone is fine there? How is the little baby girl, i bet she looks so lovely.

I'm sitting in the Royal Tea Room milk tea downstairs, now I have to back home see the fish baby and go to hug my snowman. They miss you too ~@^_^@~


Good night, sweet melon

writing in the midnight 4:13am , miss you

Dong Gua, why you don't message to me? It's not the matter about you're not a messager...Just you don't like to talk to me, isn't it? You prefer to message to others... I'm just counting that already been a week, you didn't reply to me... What else can I say? I'm scareing to go to the bed now. It's 4:00am in China. An hour ago I was sleeping, but a cockroach climbed on my finger...so it woke me up. Later I found it climbed to snowman,on the bed, its size is very big... Then I just spray it the poison,and change the blanket,pillow, clean all the old ones.I don't know why there're already kill over gross 5 big guys this week. One night I saw one hid in the gap of the ceiling in bathroom. I think they come out from there.I really wish you were here, only you're tall to touch it and cover the gap. It's hard to sleep back and now writing my diary.Even though you hate to talk to me, you don't want to share story with me, I still miss you, still put you in my heart. Still wish you are enjoy everyday in your family.

KFC makes me think about our first date last year

Melon, ni zai zuo shen me ne? Did you miss me? Yesterday I was sitting in KFC. It makes me remind the first time we met in Jiangmen last year, since after that, I like KFC more than before. I have deep memory for sharing the ice-cream with you there. Melon, I really care every moment we can be with each other.Please don't flirt with another girls,because that looks like I'm being cheated.. Do you know I don't worry something else just afraid you're gone? That day I read your IPad, you talked with Eli to say "I think I want Kat's back.". When I read that conversations, I couldn't help my tears. Melon, can you tell me that was true and very serious?!! I'm sorry I always did those get through things...I know you hate me to do that. That's because I wanted to stop the other girls out of us. It would be ruin our relationship. Please think about that, if you thought you lost me, then why you had that feeling and you still keep hiding flirting girls in your wechat? When you asked me come back, did you tell yourself you should be take a responsble to be better make up, to instead of giving up for easily? I have no certificate to close your eyes to look at those girls, but I'm a human-being with blood and soul, when you asked me back that day, at least the God was listening to your calling up and my heart. If that is the God's consecrating, why you always show me your gelid heart? Is it because I always compromised you so make you feel I'm the one so easy to be bully screwed over? I've also looked you safe lots of pictures of mine. Melon, I know you always did things without saying to me. But as you said, "not good at reading mind." So, I don't want to complain, complain is pessimism attitude of life. I'm not that kind people. I wish you were here right now and tell me again the God is listening to the reason of why you asked me back, not just saying.

Sunday, it's time to do big clean

Melon, how are you? It's been 2 days I didn't write diary. Today I was planing to do some drawing and cleaning. But since the big company meeting, I had to work this morning till to 3pm. So,I back home and thought I can only do the cleaning... I post some photos on wechat, did you see? But it doesn't matter, you never interested in how many cleaning work I did... Never cared... Wow it is so unbelievable I got 2 more gross things after I met the long worm yesterday, I saw a new bean sprout in the sink of kitchen. May be I don't need to buy vegetable this month. LoL. And I found your pee smell underwear in the blue bag which you used to swim...It is all wet and smelly for a week...Lol...And the balcony...your cigarette ash...all drench in the glass bottle... a strong irritating odor... Anyway, I just don't like to see dirty place, especially it is the place for living. Now you're not here and I do (You go to play), haha, you teach me to say. Hao ma? Yes, all of these are A Yi's job...Cleaning all everywhere except to your music room. Tomorrow if I have time, may be I will change the fish water of Kat's tank. When I feed them today,I smelled the water so bad in that tank. Look at the bedroom, everyone is sitting on your pillow,they're waiting daddy coming back.